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again loneliness finds me. sadness overcomes me. love is trying

love is evil

love is wonderful



but sadness always has a place around

around my heart, my soul, my being

like a knife

digging deeper

into my soul

into my life



leave me be

go away

good things dont last long



maybe i am cursed

cursed for eternity

to walk

walk alone

i have feelings for someone. i am married and these feelings are for another. it feels right and wrong at the same time



i love one and care for another

i dont want to be unfaithful but you are pulling me in

slowly, sweetly



sweet words of love

sweet promises and words i live for



you are precious, and needed

do i want to need you?



if you are not here, i am sad, i am lonely

what do i do? why do i have this need?



i love you ~ but dammit i dont need to

this is for the new guy i care for. what happened to you? we have something special. something right. i miss you. i hope you are ok.

i know i wasnt on today but the way you left things last night i figured you didnt care if i was on or not. my internet was down so when i was supposed to be on - i could not be.

i hope you still care. that i still matter. do you worry about me? do you even think of me? i know you have a lot of girls that like you. and thats ok, you are a great guy.

if you dont want to be around any more, just tell me. i will understand. i will let go. not what i want but if that is your wish, go, be free, and happy.



i miss you

i feel awful. im having a crap day. i am tired and weak, almost zombiefied. nothings tastes right, nothing smells right, all i feel like doing is sleeping but then thats no fun. i cant be here, or with my family. i cant enjoy conversation or someones company. i would like this feeling to go away now, thanks. i need energy. i need love. i want to be held and told its gonna be ok. but that prolly wont happen. i will have to deal with it by myself.

do you ever feel like smacking someone? have you ever had one of those days you just have had enough? well, i have. people in my way, on my nerves and pissing me off!

you go somewhere, there is a line, you call someone- they cant talk, driving down the road- people going slow, you say right- someone else says left.



what the hell people? i just want a day where everything doesnt have to be a fight. good grief,

today we went to the fair. we had a blast! the kids havent been since they were 4 and 2. it was a day to remember. the lines were short, the weather was perfect. what a great day! finally a day to brag about! YES! RARE! lol

please listen to my soul:

i have decided to change a few things. to make things better. go be with my pal - in his coven- because he respects me, cares about me. he is a treasure.

vamp will go with me. she is my bestie- through thick and thin. we have been to the gates of hell and back. together- thru it all - best friends til the end

you said that you were going to visit me for my birthday, you said you had a present for me. but you are a fucking liar. i called you and you said to give you a lil while and you would be by. you never came or called to cancel. you are a fat ass fucking liar! you couldnt be more of a disappointment if you tried.



i cant believe i wasted my time and money on being your friend. you are a liar. ben said you werent worth my time, but i didnt listen, i stuck up for you. but thanks for making him right. you fucking piece of shit.



you have lied before, and i blew it off but this time, its personal. i really thought you cared. thought you were my friend. well i guess thats what i get for thinking.



i am starting to hate you.

today is my birthday. happy day !! i was taken out to eat, my fav restaurant, given some pretty jewelry and now i have the rest of the week off (due to flu outbreaks at work). it has been a good day. a day to remember ^^ for once.....



i so miss my baby girl - away at camp! i pray for her safety. hugs and kisses! i love you more than life itself.